erase
by BluePhoenixFeathers
Summary: Bianca di Angelo, and the beginning of the end of her life. Bianca-centric. Oneshot. No pairings except for implied Percy x Annabeth/Percabeth. Pen name previously blue empyrean.


Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to the PJO series. All rights belong to Mr. Riordan.

This is my first fanfic, so any constructive criticism is appreciated.

Caution: angst, character death, spoilers for anyone that has not read _The Titan's Curse_ of the PJO series, probably a load of cliches, a completely unoriginal idea for a PJO angst fic (if I copied anyone by accident, I am very sorry), unbeta'd.

* * *

Bianca di Angelo folds in on herself. She slips another strand of loose hair into her cap and tries to ignore the sea-green eyes staring at her.

Why is he eyeballing her? It's not as if there's anything to see. Not really.

The sound of the gym is muted, muffled, even with the screaming Jesse McCartney music and Nico, who's prattling away about hit points and limited edition trading cards right in her ear. She can vaguely hear herself scolding Nico, probably about Mythomagic, but she's conscious of those eyes concentrated straight on her.

Is she the only one that feels something wrong? About those eyes? About their school? About their entire life? Nico can happily immerse himself in Mythomagic. He doesn't need to worry about grades, about bullies, about stupid school uniforms and gossip and trust funds and lost memories and about the creepy vice principal with the hungry eyes.

Especially the vice principal. She feels uneasy every time he studies them. As if he's contemplating the way they'd appear on a dinner plate.

Nico's _still _jabbering about that stupid game of his, about those silly figurines and cards that Bianca ought to toss into the garbage can the minute they get out of this horrible dance. She wants to grab him by the shoulders and pull him out of his fantasy, tell him _stop living in a dream because Mythomagic can't hide the pain and our family is gone and I can't always be there for you and just comfort me, tell me I'm not alone and I'm still existing and not a living ghost and just please, please-_

Bianca doesn't say anything. Instead, she stares at the ugly beige of the gym ceiling, at the bright red balloons that hurt her eyes, at the floor, at anything except those startling green eyes. She hopes that she's doing a good job of fading into the surroundings.

It's always been a special talent of hers, anyway.

* * *

Dr. Thorn snarls and tries hurling the blond girl off of him. She hangs on, grimly, as if he was a lifeboat in a raging sea.

Bianca can see the storm in Percy's eyes, his mouth open in a terrible scream.

She sees them fall, fall far into the ocean. Percy's still screaming, his green eyes feral and untamed and the girls have to physically hold him away from the cliff to stop him from leaping off.

Bianca's sure the girl is important to him. A lifeboat for him to cling on so he isn't engulfed in an ocean of his private fear. She's familiar to that. She is Nico's lifeboat. _(Are you sure it's not the other way around?)_

Bianca mulls over the fact that if she fell, Nico would be the one to mourn her, to cry over a sister that has disappeared into mist.

That thought doesn't comfort her as much as it should.

* * *

"You could join the Hunt", says Artemis, and her face shines in the light of the flames. She seems truly _glad _that Bianca could join the Hunt, as if she's important and special and no one, _no one _could ever replace her. Little Nico loves her, true, but she's conscious of the fact that he sees her as only as someone to tell him to tie his shoelaces and not to forget his trading cards and to eat his vegetables or he'll stay short forever. She doesn't want to have to do that all the time, an endless cycle of reminding and scolding and protecting.

She's not Bianca anymore _(to him, or yourself?)_

She opens her mouth, and the three letters form on her tongue.

But then she remembers that _(Nico was so lost the first day and you chased away the bullies and brushed away the tears and he asked you to never leave him and always, always be there for him-_

"I'll consider it," she says, and she's not sure if she's saying that to Artemis.

* * *

Bianca's a Hunter, and she's got a silver parka and jeans and hunting knives and a bow and quiver of arrows and a bonus of immortality. The complete deal. She ignores the fact that they feel as if they've been pasted on her, a dressed up Barbie doll that looks and acts human, but isn't.

Immortality doesn't really feel any different then just being a normal girl. She feels…stronger, more confident, yet she still doesn't get why her hands are trembling.

She assures herself it's just the cold, even though a coat's wrapped around her shivering body.

Nico says, "So…you decided to join the Hunters. Bunch of girls that go around slaying monsters straight from Mythomagic. Immortality and cool weapons and stuff."

She nods her head, her lips glued together. After she explained, Nico didn't burst into tears or run away or even yell at her. He just stares at the ground.

That worries her even more.

"Yeah, go ahead! It sounds pretty fun! Jeez, Bianca, you act as if you needed my permission. And you're already a Hunter, anyway!" He smiles, but there's something pained in that grin.

Bianca is confused why their roles have reversed. He still hasn't made eye contact with her, though, and scrapes his foot through the slush on the grass.

The silence stretches further and further, and it hurts.

It hurts badly.

* * *

Bianca's crammed into the end of the bus with the rest of the Hunters. Nico shooed her there, saying _Seriously, go sit with your friends. It's uncool for you to be seen next to your little bro. _

There's nothing bitter or sarcastic in his tone, so she slowly settles herself next to Zoe, even though she feels uneasy, as if she's done something wrong.

Zoe's beaming at her, and Bianca reminds herself that Zoe is her lieutenant, and she's glad to see more recruits. Her heart is warmed though, by the fact that Zoe isn't treating her as if she's some scum on her shoe that needs to be trodden on and thoroughly flattened.

"So, thou are enjoying being a Hunter so far, correct?" and the imperious way she says it leaves no room for a no.

"Oh! Of course!" Bianca says, and wish it didn't sound as if she was lying through her teeth. (_To Zoe, or yourself?)_

Zoe nods in a satisfied way, and continues on, "Thou do not have a boyfriend, I presume?"

"No, of course not," Bianca assures, and this time she really is telling the truth. She's not ugly, per say, it's just that she's not really…noticed.

"Good," says Zoe. "Hunters are family. We have no need for foolish, lovelorn girls." She gestures around, and all the Hunters are laughing and chatting and having a great time. They're all happy. _You're going to be happy, _she tells herself fiercely. _(Why do I even need to convince myself?) You're going to have a lot of friends, and you don't even have to have the responsibility of a little brother. Zoe is always going to be there for you. The Hunters are always going to be there for you. You're going to be immortal and learn to fight and you are going to shine, really shine. You're not going to be the wallflower at gym dances anymore._

_(But Nico still is.)_

* * *

They're sitting around a ping-pong table discussing a grim prophecy that came from a shriveled mummy. One that could possible herald the apocalypse and the destruction of civilization. Grover is topping ping-pong balls with Cheez-Wiz.

Something is very wrong with this image, Bianca muses, and she's remembering the days where all she had to do was go through the motions, an endless rhythm that while just plain…well, lifeless, was a lot less dangerous than this.

Is it better if she just stayed ignorant? She isn't even sure who her godly parent is.

_This is the reason why I joined the Hunters. So I'm not one of those unclaimed kids in that Hermes cabin, the ones that just moved without any purpose. I'm going to save Artemis and actually do something for a change. _

Nico's going to be one of those people in that cabin, but he'll be safe. He doesn't have to go on a quest, and he's cheerful enough to not let the godly parent thing get to him. _(You wish.)_

Bianca isn't surprised that Percy's so eager to go. He needs to, no, he's _going _to find and save the Annabeth girl and she sees that she's not just his friend.

But she is surprised that Zoe volunteers her for this quest. Her mouth turns dry, and she barely forces the sentences out of her mouth. "I just joined. I'm going to be a burden. And I need to care for-

She barely manages to cut herself off. Zoe doesn't seem to notice though, and says firmly, "You're going to be fine. This is a good way to prove thyself to the Hunt."

And, oh. Her stomach drops to her feet. This is a way to prove herself, right? She's going to be respected, especially for going on such a dangerous quest even though she joined, was it a couple of _hours _ago? _(But the only time I had to prove myself to Nico was when he dared me to eat the mystery meat on Monday and then he laughed and told me that I didn't have to because he didn't want me to die from food poisoning-)_

No. That feels ages ago. Zoe's respect is everything to her, and some part of her is horrified _(why is it horrified?) _that she's starting to believe it. She can die for the Hunt, for honor _(is it worth that much?) _

Bianca stays silent. A scream bubbles up inside her, but she has no way to let it out.

* * *

Zoe's uncertain. For the first time since Bianca has seen her, she seems hesitant. Vulnerable, as she expresses her concern about the fifth member of the group.

Zoe's not as vulnerable as she is. Not as scared. Bianca's sure of that. She's scared of dying, no, not just dying, disappearing.

If she disappears, there is nothing left behind.

* * *

She's sitting next to Zoe again, this time in a fancy Lexus on top of a speeding train. _Déjà vu, _she says to herself wryly.

Because this probably is going to turn into another one-sided conversation again. It's not Zoe's fault, not really. _(It's yours.)_

Zoe says one thing to her. "Thou have been brave against the Nemean Lion. A true Hunter. Thou should be proud of thyself."

Bianca's only thought is, _The only thing I did was waste a bunch of arrows. _But she says, "Oh. It-it was nothing." _(When will I actually do _something_?)_

No," says Zoe. "You did well."

"I guess I'm a hero, then," Bianca quips, _(but you aren't, not really)_.

Zoe's face clouds over, and Bianca sees she's said the wrong thing. "You're not fond of heroes, I guess?"

"Heroes. A life full of bold deeds and great acts. Though they pass, their memories live on forever. Hailed as gods. Immortal even in death. But there are those left behind. The forgotten."

Bianca suddenly feels ashamed. She's not really sure why.

* * *

Cloudcroft is a lonely place. That's all she can say. There's not much to see either.

She can empathize with it.

Percy just stares at everything and nothing and sips his hot chocolate. His rubber rat seems alone on the railing. Bianca hopes it's not a sign of insanity if she feels sorry for rubber rats.

"So…immortality, huh?" It's painfully obvious he's just trying to start a conversation, and Bianca lets him.

"Yeah," she says. "Nico didn't really understand my decision." _(And you can't blame him for that, can you?)_

Percy glances at her, and there's something close to pity in his eyes.

Bianca turns away. She's not the one that needs the pity.

* * *

Bianca's scared. Her face is still young, but her mind is old and young and someplace in the middle. She flashes to the subway that wasn't but was there, the flames that erupted after she stabbed the skeleton warrior, the Lotus Casino, the president that's not president and everything, everything is not all right and there's something terribly wrong with the big gap in her memories. It's all jumbled up and she's not-she's not-

Bianca rubs at her face and tries to convince herself it's the wind that's causing her watery eyes.

* * *

Percy's shouting at her. _Drop the statue, and maybe it'll go away! _The limp figurine falls from her hands, and she sees Percy's mouth moving without really hearing anything. _Gods, _and the thoughts move sluggishly through her mind. _I did this. I'm the reason that metal giant is after us. _

_I did this._

And then-

_Oh gods, oh gods we're all going to die and it's all my fault and I'm so, so, sorry and I'm never going to see Nico again-_

Nico.

Her mouth is moving. _I'll go. It's my fault. It's my responsibility. (I've been trying to run away from responsibility my entire life, and it's caught up.)_

She's running. Her feet are pounding the ground. It's silent, even with the harsh sound of metal against metal and the screams of her friends.

Nico.

She's inside the machine, and she's climbing. It's three tries for her to grab the metal ladder, slippery, and she doesn't even realize she's sweating until her hands slip. Her arm slices across a sharp piece of rusty metal, and even though it comes away bloody, there's no pain.

There's a control panel. Rusty buttons and levers and dials. She pushes and pulls and turns each and every one of them. The metal giant's lurching around, and it's coming apart.

_I'm going to die._ She laughs. _I'm really going to die. I'm going to die alone in this metal scrap giant. I'm going to die with my life as a giant question mark. I'm going to die without even seeing or knowing my parents. I'm going to die without saying goodbye to Nico-_

Everything clears.

"Nico, Nico, I'm so sorry for not keeping my promise and leaving you to join the Hunters and being so selfish and I'm so sorry for dying without saying goodbye and leaving you alone again because I'll always, always love you and I'm so sorry for everything. Please-

Bianca di Angelo dies, and there is no one to hear her apologies.

* * *

This is not meant as a Bianca-bashing fic. Bianca messes a lot of stuff up and she's a lot less selfless than her original incarnation, but I feel it helps her be more realistic. It's a piece to experiment about her thoughts and to get inside her head during The Titan's Curse. In case you didn't quite understand, the stuff in italics is meant to represent her true thoughts. She doesn't truly realize that she's lost something until it's gone, and she only realizes at the very end, as she's about to die. Not a very original idea as a fic, but I hope I didn't mangle Bianca's personality. Some of the dialogue is excerpts from The Titan's Curse, but some of it is changed to suit this fic.


End file.
